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MARCH ENERGY UPDATE: THE END OF PEOPLE PLEASING AND THE TIME TO FOCUS FORWARD
March is going to be a very interesting month.
There is an enormous WAVE OF CREATIVITY in the year of 2018, and March, April, May, June are going to be really strong creatively.
One of the big themes that just came up in my recent Energy Mastery Retreat was THE END OF PEOPLE PLEASING.
This theme will affect those of you who might identify with being the peacemaker in your group, the agony aunt or uncle to your friends, the one who helps, nurtures, loves others. There is this sudden sharp shock around seeing and releasing the people pleasing pattern that is happening for many of you, around “where am I people pleasing in a way that is detrimental to me?”
So let’s just break it down. When we people please we are putting the mood, the desire, the want, or the ease of the other person before our own mood, desire, want or ease. So, if I were people pleasing to you and you were my friend, it might look something like this: I come into your house, I’m really depressed and down, haven’t much energy, and you say to me, “I really want to go on a roller coaster, I really want to go to the amusement park, I want to go to busy places.” I don’t feel I’ve got that in me but because I’m a people pleaser and because you look distressed the moment I say “I’m not sure I want to go” showing disappointment or annoyance, I change my mind and I go along with what you need. That’s people pleasing in a simple form. When the body says no, but the mouth says yes.
But it also happens in very subtle ways, especially for those of you who are empathic and feel or sense the feelings of others. Or if you live to please others and want to make the world a better, brighter place, you can very easily and quickly get into this unconscious habit of people pleasing.
And eventually, you lose your own sense of self, you lose your own will and what often happens is that you burn out. So you may keep giving your energy to all of the people around you in response to all of their triggers, wounds and desires, but to do so you are having to leave yourself and your own desires at the door every time you do it. You leave your own body to try and soothe others. Which creates a deficit and a crash and it means burnout happens, fatigue happens, and a desire to isolate in order to recover.
ARE YOU LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF IN THE WAY YOU NEED TO?
We all know to eat and drink on a daily basis, but what else do you need in your life to help you feel connected, lit up, and are you creating for yourself what you need?
This is very important. The most generous among us, the most giving among us can only give our most when we are also filling up our own cup. And people pleasing is the fastest way to have other people deplete your energy cup without your permission. People pleasing is a pattern that takes away your own will around what you want to do and are here to do.
There is a very slow death occurring around this for many on the planet right now and it can be very uncomfortable. What if I offend them? What if I upset them? She’s always really angry if I say no and I don’t know if I can face that? You might have to. You might have to deal with someone else’s discomfort and that’s always what is at the root of it - you want to take away someone else’s discomfort, you want to make someone else happy. That’s why healers, spiritual people, people who want to make the world a better place, often fall into this people pleasing trap.
CONFLICT ENERGY is really strong on the planet right now.
This divide and jagged edge between dark and light on the planet can be very triggering. We look at the recent movements around MeToo and Time’s Up - which are essentially human rights movements that are having a real moment in the spotlight - and this can be very emotional for everyone, women and men. So that’s just one example of where our world is going through a very deep, emotional, healing period and it’s intense, it’s jagged and that’s why we have to look after ourselves in these times. You are going to need to be very introverted some days and then your extrovert will come back a few days later - so really be ok with YOUR OWN CHANGING IDENTITY because all of our identities are changing.
And as soon as we accept the changes we are experiencing, everything shifts for us. But while we fight the part of us that feels different or the part of us we don’t recognise, we get caught in a battle with our old identity and trying to hold onto it.
That can hurt us, confuse us and slow the whole thing down.
Acceptance is key here.
It’s time to change, for all of us.
And most importantly ask: WHAT AM I CREATING NEXT? What do I want to keep creating?
Creativity is such an important act as a stabiliser; you could sit and write a poem, you can doodle on a pad, make an incredible meal, walk a different way to work in the morning. So many ways to create.
People are hitting grief and mourning for the way things used to be. But it is a time of creation as much as it is a time of dissolution. If you only focus on the dissolution you will get caught under that wave, but if you give yourself time to rest and invite well being, your sense of desperation or depression around dissolution will start to change as you fill up again.
The world needs you. It needs every single one of us. That doesn’t mean you have to run out there and save the world - it may mean that you are working with your child right now or the person in your life that you are looking after. You might be someone who is talking to and affecting thousands every day. It doesn’t really matter how many you show up for. It starts with you and what you need to feel is alignment with your purpose and that’s coming online in a huge way for so many of us right now. It can be a little scary, it can be very exciting - but INNOVATION is where you want to focus.
So if you tend to your needs, tend to your well being, check you are not people pleasing, and ask yourself, “Ok I’m changing, the world is changing, my identity is changing, what do I want to create next?” Write a few things down on a piece of paper so you can see your desires written down in front of you. It’s very activating to do that.
And FOCUS FORWARD because there is a lot that is happening, on our planet and in the future that is going to surprise you in a really nice way. So don’t just focus on the negative like they want you to.
Focus forward, that’s really what the energy of this month is all about.
How are you feeling this month? Let us know in the comments below...